Co-parenting coaching
Coparenting coaching involves working together with a coach, your coparent, and your children to help create an environment where the children feel safe and comfortable in each of their two homes, and to decrease any anxiety they may have about transitions, family relationships, or any other stressors related to being in a blended family. Your coach is specially trained in family and relationship dynamics and can help you or your children address concerns related to your blended family situation.
How can co-parenting coaching help my children and me?
Decrease anxiety in your children.
Your children can learn to relax in each of their homes, and have typical childhood experiences and family relationships, without feeling as though they have to choose sides.
Solve problems more quickly and with less expense.
Even married parents argue at times over their children’s upbringing. When you are no longer a part of a couple with your child’s other parent, conflict is even more likely. Coparenting coaching offers an alternative to spending hundreds or thousands of dollars on lawyers and mediators. In addition, coparenting coaching focuses on developing understanding and respect for the other parent’s point of view, rather than trying to “win” or “get what’s owed.”
Engage in successful problem-solving with less animosity.
Research consistently shows that children suffer as a result of their parents’ divorce when they are exposed to conflict between their parents. Children will naturally love both parents, and identify with each of them. Parents give their children a great gift when they can be successful in solving their problems without their children witnessing arguments, name-calling, belittlement, and anger.
Make all the decisions regarding your child with your coparent, rather than leaving those decisions to a third party.
Parents know their children best, and understand what they need better than any third party. However, when parents are unable to agree and the court system gets involved, parents lose the power to make decisions about their children and, often, about parts of their own lives. Learning to collaborate with your child’s other parent is an investment in the future peace of two households, and in the mental health of your shared children.
As your skills improve, the need for a parenting coach will decrease.
Coaching is all about education and learning. Your parenting coach will work with you to help you master the skills necessary to effectively work as a team and cooperate with your child’s other parent, with a minimum of hard feelings. As you continue to apply those skills, and learn new ones, it is very likely that you will find a decreased need for alternative dispute resolution assistance. Ideally, you and your child’s other parent will eventually learn to navigate areas of disagreement or conflict without the assistance of a third party (coach, mediator, lawyer or court system). While most people can agree that is is important to “put the children first” and “not put the kids in the middle” of conflict between parents who are no longer together, divorced parents often find this much easier said than done. Often, there is distrust and miscommunication between the parents, and these problems are often challenging to overcome. Frustration can quickly build, leading to escalated emotions, antagonism, and potentially expensive and lengthy court battles. Co-parenting coaching is the first line of defense to avoid such animosity. Coparenting coaching is an alternative dispute resolution method which provides assistance in amicably solving coparenting problems, instead of filing an expensive court action. Parenting coaches help children learn to live in two homes without feeling torn in two, and help co-parents cooperatively resolve any disputes which may arise over the raising of their shared children, or over terms of the parenting plan.
One of the major stressors for children is the observation or sensing of unhealthy conflict between their parents, and divorced and divorcing parents often have a hard time managing this issue. The goal of coparenting/divorce coaching is helping parents put the best interests of their children first, rather than focusing on animosity toward each other. This type of coaching can happen at anytime in the process: While you are considering divorce/separation from your coparent; during the divorce/separation process; during the post-divorce/separation coparenting stage; after the children become adults and you are learning to get along civilly with your coparent at graduations, weddings and grandparent events.
Misunderstandings between divorced or divorcing parents frequently result in conflict, and sometimes that conflict escalates to the point of court filings. When attorneys get involved, it's often about "winning" for their client -- and when one parent wins, the other parent loses -- which means that ultimately the child loses. When judges make decisions regarding your children, they are doing so with very limited information. It's usually a much better idea for the parents of a child -- who know and love that child better than anyone else -- to make the decisions as to their child's best interests.
A coach can assist parents in learning to work together collaboratively -- in spite of anything that has happened in the past, and regardless of the anger, resentment and other uncomfortable feelings that may exist between the parents.
What’s the difference between couples therapy and co-parenting coaching?
Couple’s therapy is a form of mental health treatment designed to address relationship distress within an intimate partnership. It is designed for people who are currently in an intimate or romantic partnership. Its goals typically include strengthening emotional connection, rebuilding trust, increasing intimacy, resolving ongoing relational conflict, or deciding whether to stay together. The therapeutic frame assumes that both participants are still emotionally invested in their couplehood and that the relationship itself is the client.It is considered a medically necessary intervention only when one or both members of the couple meet the criteria for a mental health diagnosis (such as depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc.), and the couple's dynamic is contributing to or impacted by that diagnosis. The primary goal is therapeutic healing of the relationship or improvement in mental health symptoms.
Coparenting coaching, by contrast, is a non-clinical, skills-based service focused on helping two individuals—often divorced or no longer romantically involved—develop effective communication, mutual respect, and collaborative problem-solving in their shared parenting role. These individuals are no longer a couple, and their work together centers around managing a joint responsibility: raising children across two households.
Attending couple’s therapy with a former romantic or sexual partner—with whom there is no current couple bond or intention to rekindle one—is a mismatch of purpose and clinical approach. The therapeutic goals of couple’s therapy (such as repairing intimacy or exploring attachment patterns within the relationship) are not relevant or appropriate when:
The romantic relationship has formally ended, such as through divorce or long-term separation
The current task is not emotional closeness, but practical collaboration in raising children
The individuals are no longer invested in one another’s personal growth, emotional needs, or future as partners
Engaging in couple’s therapy in this context can lead to:
Role confusion, both for the clients and the therapist
Reopening past emotional wounds that no longer need processing within this new dynamic
A misuse of therapeutic time and focus, as the work that needs to be done is not relationship repair, but communication and coordination around parenting responsibilities
Billing or insurance compliance issues, since medical necessity typically requires a relationship distress diagnosis that is clinically relevant and current
Because the goal is not to repair or maintain an intimate relationship and no mental health diagnosis is being addressed, couple’s therapy is not clinically indicated or reimbursable under the guidelines for medically necessary services.
Instead, what is often needed is coparent support, which falls under the domain of education, consultation, or coaching. It focuses on practical strategies, structured dialogue, boundary setting, and the creation of a businesslike parenting partnership that protects the well-being of the children. These approaches help former partners / current coparents develop:
Neutral, businesslike communication
Clear boundaries around parenting roles and responsibilities
Consistent parenting strategies across households
Low-conflict decision-making processes
Once a romantic, domestic partnership, or sexual relationship has ended, the therapeutic container of couple’s therapy no longer fits. It may even do more harm than good by inappropriately framing the relationship in emotional or intimate terms that no longer exist, are not appropriate to revive, and will likely cause confusion in the children who are trying to acclimate to two homes.
In short, while therapy treats symptoms and emotional dysfunction within a couple's relationship, divorced coparents often need education and training — rather than medical treatment for a mental health disorder — in order to function as an effective team—making couple’s therapy an inappropriate and unsupported clinical service in this context.
What’s the difference between family therapy and co-parenting coaching?
Family therapy is a form of clinical mental health treatment that addresses emotional, psychological, or behavioral problems within a family system. It is indicated when one or more family members are experiencing mental health symptoms, and the functioning of the family unit is either contributing to those symptoms or being negatively impacted by them. It requires a diagnosis and a treatment plan based on medical necessity, and is typically provided by a licensed mental health professional.
The goals of family therapy often include:
Reducing conflict or dysfunction in relationships
Improving emotional connection
Treating mental health conditions in a family context (e.g., depression, trauma, substance use, etc.)
Healing family trauma or unresolved emotional wounds
In contrast, coparent coaching is not therapy and is not medically necessary. It is a skills-based, future-focused educational service designed to help divorced or separated parents improve their ability to work together in raising their children across two households. The focus is not on emotional healing or mental health treatment, but rather on:
Developing respectful, businesslike communication
Reducing conflict through boundary setting and structured problem-solving
Building a consistent and child-centered coparenting plan
Learning tools to support collaborative parenting without needing to agree on personal matters
Because coparent coaching does not involve treatment of psychological disorders or emotional processing, it does not fall under the scope of family therapy. Coaching assumes that the parents are not in need of clinical care but rather need guidance, structure, and tools to support effective parenting partnerships.
In summary, family therapy treats dysfunction in a family due to mental health concerns. Coparent coaching builds function by enhancing communication and cooperation between adults who are no longer in a family unit but must work together to support their children.
What happens during co-parenting coaching?
The goal of coparenting coaching is to learn how more effectively address issues with your coparent with cooperation and respect, and to help kids adapt to parental divorce and separation. The ultimate goal is to help the children live happily with each of their parents in each of their homes. During sessions with your parenting coach, you will learn specific skills unique to blended families and stepfamilies, including:
Assessing anxiety and discomfort in your children
Teaching your children to be honest about their thoughts and feelings
Putting the needs of the child over the feelings of the parents: Prioritizing what the child needs, rather than what the parents want
Talking with your coparent respectfully and professionally
Communicating effectively between coparents, and between parents and children
Managing conflict though open, honest and calm discussions
Setting appropriate boundaries
Respecting each parent’s right to make decisions on his/her own parenting time
Recognizing and accepting parenting style differences
Identifying and improving the way you react to the other parent
Modeling effective problem-solving for your children
My coparent is “high conflict.” Can a parenting coach still help me?
There has been a lot of attention in recent years about ‘high conflict personalities’ (HCPs), especially related to divorce and blended family situations. Many times, each co-parent will see the other one as ‘high conflict’ (or ‘narcissistic,’ or ‘borderline,’or ‘personality disordered,’ or any number of other accusatory ‘diagnoses’-made-by-a-biased-former-partner). In most situations, these labels are used in frustration when parents find themselves unable to effectively express their points of view to one another. A parenting coach can help reduce judgment and name-calling, and instead facilitate understanding (rather than anger and scorn) between the parents. Understanding and effective communication is the first step to agreeing on a fair solution.
What are some specific things that a parenting coach can help with?
There are lots of potential conflict areas in a shared custody (known in Florida as “timesharing” or “shared parental responsibility”) situation. A parenting coach can help coparents reach agreement on any area of conflict. The most common disagreements include:
Where the children will spend holidays
What schools the children will attend
How medical/healthcare decisions will be made
Which parent has financial responsibility
How schedule adjustments or “makeup timesharing” will be handled
Transportation issues
How to make transitions easier on the children
What’s the difference between parallel parenting and co-parenting?
Coparenting refers to multiple parents (or parent figures) working together to assist in a child’s upbringing. Any time more than one parent is involved in a child’s life, some degree of co-parenting is taking place. Some parents choose to work closely together, with frequent communication collaboration on most areas of a child’s life (such as bedtimes, homework procedures, household rules, discipline techniques, religious upbringing, approaches to ‘screen time,’ etc.). Other parents find it too difficult to cooperate with the other parent to this degree, and instead tend to make most decisions independent from input from the other parent (parallel parenting). The degree of collaboration between the parents may vary from time to time. Regardless of where parents fall on the cooperation continuum, a parenting counselor can coach in effective problem-solving.
Isn’t it weird to spend time like this with a former relationship partner?
Not at all. People attend coaching sessions to assist them in learning skills and/or overcoming problems. It is very common to have a variety of struggles when raising a child in a divorce, remarriage, or never-married situation.
Many people, especially those who have re-partnered, feel concerned about “attending therapy with my ex.” You can be assured that for this type of coaching service, there is absolutely NO processing of divorce issues or prior relationship baggage. When/if those issues come up, your parenting coach will set boundaries to stop the topic and advise the person bringing it up to address that issue privately, in another setting. Co-parents are there for one thing: to learn how to coparent effectively.
My coparent refuses to participate. Can parenting coaching still help me?
Absolutely! Even though ideally both parents would be committed to learning the skills necessary to cooperate more effectively, just one parent who is committed to reducing conflict will likely make a difference in the interactions. Ultimately, the only person that you can control or change is yourself.
Can I use a coparenting coach to help me get a divorce/work out a parenting plan/figure out child support?
Absolutely! Florida law allows divorcing couples to decide on their own how they will work out the details of parenting their shared children. Your parenting coach can help you cooperatively create a parenting plan to work out timesharing, allocate responsibility of expenses, and many other aspects of divorce to help ensure the least possible negative impact on the children. While your parenting coach cannot give legal advice, he or she can refer you to family-friendly attorneys who can provide counsel. If coparenting coaching fails to assist you and your coparent in reaching an agreement on any of the issues, we can also refer you to low-cost, family-friendly mediation.