Almost every day I have a parent tell me, “I can never get my kids to do what they are supposed to do! I feel like I’m spending all my time nagging, and my children are always arguing!”
Deep frustration and a sense of helplessness almost always accompany these statements, along with tales of tried-and-failed systems of chore charts, threats and bribes.
Oftentimes, a clear structure, boundaries, and clear communication of expectations are keys to helping parents guide a household more efficiently.
The following set of household rules has several advantages: They help prepare children to understand and accept personal responsibility; they apply to all members of the household (children and adults), which appeals to children’s sense of fairness; they are based on principles of healthy relationships of all kinds, which helps to prepare children to eventually have successful relationships with friends, family members, teachers, spouses, employers and coworkers.
Here are the 8 Rules:
Be kind.
Clean up after yourself.
Be grateful for meals.
Do chores on time, without negativity.
Respect privacy.
Be accountable. (Be responsible for yourself. When you are wrong, admit it and make amends).
Love is unconditional, and healthy relationships are reciprocal.
Good effort, accountability, and honesty earn rewards.
To provide a bit more context, here are the 8 Rules, elaborated:
Be kind.
Always tell the truth.
Don't use guilt trips.
(guilt trips involve emotional manipulation: Using someone’s emotions against them to gain compliance. Examples of this are “All my friend’s parents are nice; they buy their kids the newest ipads,” and, “I worked hard all day to put a roof over your head. The least you can do is give me a hug and kiss when I get home.”)
Respect personal space.
Speak respectfully and in a calm manner.
Avoid rudeness.
Look for opportunities to help.
Don't create work for others.
Clean up after yourself.
If you make a mess, clean it up.
Put all of your belongings where they go.
Everyone is responsible for the location and safety of their own belongings.
Be grateful for meals.
Don’t complain. Remember that shopping for and preparing food takes effort.
Eat a bit of everything before asking for more of anything.
If you want it, take it. If you take it, eat it. Don’t waste food.
Do chores on time, without negativity.
Assigned chores should be done completely without multiple reminders.
Every family member contributes by doing tasks that benefit the household.
Parents provide what children need. Children earn money for things they want.
Respect privacy.
Knock on closed doors and wait for permission to enter.
Don't send pictures outside the family without permission.
Videoconferencing with people outside our family must be done in private with the door closed.
Respect "me" time.
Be accountable.
Be responsible for yourself. When you are wrong, admit it and make amends.
Always tell the truth.
Maintain personal hygiene.
When you are too upset to speak calmly, take a time out until you are calm.
When you make a mistake, don't make excuses; make amends.
It's more important to protect relationships than be right.
Love is unconditional, and healthy relationships are reciprocal.
Your family loves you always, NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO! You won't be loved less if you make a mistake or disagree with someone. Love doesn't have to be earned.
If you are unkind to others, then they may not want to do nice things for you. Everyone should protect themselves from be taken advantage of.
Good effort, accountability, and honesty earn rewards.
Always tell the truth.
Children may earn money, screen time, and other privileges for following rules and contributing to the household.
Adults may earn money from employers by following this rule at their workplace.
© Florida Family Options, Inc, 2020
Disclaimer: The contents of this article should not be interpreted as implying professional counsel or the establishment of a therapeutic relationship. If you or a family member require professional guidance, please contact a licensed mental health professional in your area.