by Dr. Tracy Mallett, Psy.D., Licensed Psychologist, LMFT
Learn to identify non-productive thoughts, and stop them.
A technique called “thought-stopping” can help you stop unwanted thoughts. (Really, it would be better termed “thought replacement,” because that is what you are doing).
Basically, thought stopping involves identifying a useless, anxiety-producing thought, and replacing it with something else – ideally, something mentally engaging that helps you achieve your goals.
Sometimes, a thought won't be "useless" -- it can serve to remind us to do something. If that's the case, then do the thing that needs done ... THEN engage in thought-stopping by identifying the uncomfortable thought, and replacing it with something else. The replacement thought or activity should be all-consuming enough to push the uncomfortable thought out of our immediate attention and focus (although it’s likely we will still be aware of it on some level).
Remember: thought stopping is not designed to make the thoughts disappear completely (although if that happens, great!); rather, it's designed for you to focus on something else that is mentally consuming, so as to not go into a spiral of anxiety or depression.
Examples of replacement thoughts include making plans for the next day; engaging with friends; cleaning out a closet; doing exercise, etc.
The key is to identify the useless, uncomfortable thought as soon as possible, so it can be replaced with something else as soon as possible.
Unwanted thoughts – such as worrying about things you cannot control -- can make you feel anxious or depressed. They may keep you from enjoying your life. So, the more you practice replacing these thoughts, the more you are able to return your attention to your goals.
When you have a toxic/shaming/self-defeating/negative thought, you can STOP ruminating on that thought, and REPLACE it with something fully engrossing – something that you can re-direct all your mental and emotional energy into.
Our thoughts, feelings and behaviors are three distinct parts of ourselves. Your thoughts directly affect how you feel. Thought-stopping helps you change your thoughts from unproductive to productive ones, which in turn influences your feelings to change and your emotions to become more comfortable.
Changing your thinking will take some time. You need to practice thought-stopping every day. After a while, you'll be able to stop unwanted thoughts right away.
The idea is to STOP the problematic thought, and then REPLACE it with an engrossing one that re-focuses your mental energy into something productive.
Steps to thought-stopping:
1). Become aware of the intrusive thought. (This can be the most important step, because oftentimes our negative, toxic, intrusive thoughts are such an integral part of our day that we don’t recognize them immediately. It’s important to be curious about the negative thoughts, and practice immediately recognizing them).
2). Internally, tell yourself to STOP the thought. Some people do this by yelling “STOP!” aloud or inside your head. You can also do it by jarring yourself somehow, such as by flipping a rubber band on your wrist).
3). REPLACE the thought with something productive, that is fully mentally encompassing. (This could include anything mentally intensive and related to self-care, such as talking to a friend, reading, or exercising; anything related to goals that you have for yourself, such as planning a weekend outing, doing a home improvement project, or expanding a professional goal; or pursuing a hobby).
To prepare for thought-stopping:
Make a list of “productive” activities that you can think about and/or do as a REPLACEMENT to the negative thought. Remember, all REPLACEMENT thoughts must be fully mentally engaging; simply trying to vaguely “think positive” probably won’t work.
Your REPLACEMENT THOUGHT list will include at least 30 items, and the items will be varied and include things you can do at work, at home, or with friends. They should also include things you can do in a minute or two, and things that take longer periods of time. All REPLACEMENT THOUGHTS should be sufficiently mentally engaging so as to drown out (fully replace) the uncomfortable thought.
Examples of productive activities/replacement thoughts include:
-Do 10 squats
-Run 1 mile
-Text, call or videochat with a friend
-Write a journal entry through the "journal" feature, and then send it to me and we can discuss it
-Clean out the refrigerator
-Make a grocery list
-Make a “to do” list for the next day
-Walk the dog
-Paint a closet
-Grow something
-Read
-Make a “to-do” list for the next day
-Listening to a podcast
-Doing progressive muscle relaxation
-Naming 10 things you are grateful for
-Re-focusing on the task at hand (the person speaking, or the meal you are eating, or the entertainment you are enjoying)
-Anything else you can think of that diverts your attention away from the unproductive, negative thought and puts your attention onto something productive that will in some way enhance your life.
You’ve got this!